i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I FOUND THE LEGS
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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