I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
