She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
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I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
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Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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