Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
