Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
