I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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