The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
