He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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