we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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