I hope mine doesn't look like that
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
