I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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