Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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