If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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