I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i think my tv is drunk
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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