Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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