The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
this will be a night to untag.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
