you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
