you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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