Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
