went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize