I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
