The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
