So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
