they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
