seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
