Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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