I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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