I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Bring me that man meat
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
