If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
