pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she told me i tasted like america
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
