i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
