It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.