The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.