Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage