I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
