is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize