I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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