i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
