The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
