There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
