I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
