Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
