I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
