apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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