Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
