I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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