I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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