You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You have to summon your inner elephant
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize