Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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