If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just threw up on my dentist
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
