My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
