honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
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I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
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We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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