There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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