dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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