I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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