I didn't shave. On purpose
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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