I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
