dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
