Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
