How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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