This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
