I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
